Beware of the comparison trap
The ancient problem that’s turned into a modern plague
You’re scrolling on social media and progressively becoming more depressed, anxious, and resentful. Sure, you see some cool stuff, but you end up putting your phone down less happy than you were when you picked it up. You’re realizing that many of your friends have it better than you: a better spouse/significant other, better children, a better job, a better education, a better vacation, a better house.
As you see all the “better,” you become miserable. You just fell into the comparison trap. Thankfully, God gives us a way out of this ancient problem that has turned into a modern plague.
The comparison trap is deceptive
All traps have an element of deceit to them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be a trap. The key element that makes a trap successful is the one being trapped can’t realize it until it’s too late.
On social media especially, we rarely realize that we are comparing our deepest insecurities with other people’s highlight reel. People (usually) don’t go on social media to show you how misbehaved their cute kid is or how miserable their marriage is, or how empty their bank account is, or how unhappy they are.
Usually, we are posting our highlight reels: vacations, happy selfies, new opportunities, the best of the best. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this (granted our goal is not to inflame envy in others). But, before we know it, we can begin to make an unfair comparison between others’ public posts and our private life. That’s when the misery can start.
The comparison trap is also deceptive because it lulls us into wanting what we never knew we wanted. Comparison manipulates us into thinking that our life is horrible and everybody else’s life is great. But that’s just another lie.
When we are comparing ourselves to others and feeling miserable, we need to recognize that we are not seeing the whole story. We don’t need what other people have. We can be happy right here right now with what God has given us. We have enough, and we are enough.
The comparison trap makes us miserable
Teddy Rosevelt (supposedly?) said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” How true.
There is a very real way in which a certain type of ignorance is bliss: I won’t be tempted to keep up with the Joneses when I am unaware of what’s in their garage. Unfortunately, our modern age makes such ignorance nearly impossible. The Joneses are incentivized and conditioned to post about it, and we are incentivized and conditioned to look for their content.
Misery is the natural consequence of comparing other people’s best moments to our inferior interior lives. We must admit that we all have some pride. Our fleshly ego wants us to be better than other people. Or, at the very least, we’ll settle for other people not being better than us.
When we see how we don’t measure up to others, our joy can quickly fade. We might even be happy and content with something we have until we see somebody who has something better.
The comparison trap saps our joy.
The comparison trap kills us
That might sound dramatic, but, “the wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23). There are some sinister sins that can be involved when we start comparing ourselves to others. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely possible to see others succeed and have nice things and “rejoice with those who rejoice.” But, if you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, you have to realize that sin is likely at play.
Consider some of the sins that can be stirred up when it comes to comparing ourselves to others and becoming upset when we don’t seem to measure up:
Envy, jealousy, and hatred are all works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21) and are reserved for describing a person’s life before Christ (Titus 3:3). Imagine if I told you that jealousy was just as spiritually damaging as murder. Imagine if envy had the same chance of sending someone to hell as fornication. We don’t have to imagine, this is what the Bible says. These things are not “little sins.”
Coveting is spoken against in the Ten Commandments (Exod. 20:17), and is identified with idolatry in the New Testament (Col. 3:5). Covetousness is simply defined as “the state of desiring to have more than one’s due.” The comparison trap certainly facilitates that desire.
Ungratefulness is a sin too. When we feel worse about our own lives because of the lives of others, it’s (in part) because we’re not grateful for what we have. The downward moral spiral of the Gentiles in Romans 1:18ff began with not being thankful (Rom. 1:21). Ungratefulness characterizes the “perilous” times we find ourselves in (2 Tim. 3:1-2). Ungratefulness is no small thing.
Lastly, discontentment is at play in the comparison trap. God has commanded, “be content with what you have” (Heb. 13:5). When we fall into the comparison trap we are doing the opposite. Lusting after what other people have and hating what I have is the inverse of contentment.
The comparison trap makes this life hell and leads to the same in the hereafter.
The comparison trap can be overcome
Sure, you should could delete Facebook and Instagram and return all the overpriced Chinese garbage the influencers on your feed lured you into buying. That would help you overcome the comparison trap for sure. But we need a deeper solution.
With God’s help, we don’t have to be miserable sinners when we look at the highlight reels of others. But, we’ll have to transform our minds. With a God-given perspective and conformity to His will, we can escape the comparison trap.
Here’s some ways we can escape:
Remember that your worth is not found in what you have: “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses” (Luke 12:15 NKJV).
Remember that comparing yourself to others isn’t wise: “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12).1
Choose to love every single person around you/on your feed: “… love does not envy…” (1 Cor. 13:4).
Choose to see the good new of others as your good news: “Rejoice with those who rejoice…” (Rom. 12:15).
Choose to be thankful and practice thankfulness: “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful” (Col. 3:15).
Humble yourself and choose to be content with what God has given you: “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition” (1 Tim. 6:6-9).
Choose to dwell on God’s excellencies, not your perceived deficiencies: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Phil. 4:8 NASB).
Mind your own business: “…But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you” (1 Thess. 4:10b-11).
My final encouragement is simple: only compare yourself to God’s Word and to who you were yesterday.2 Literally none of the rest of it matters.
Ask for God to help you fill your heart with thankfulness, love, and contentment if you find comparison stealing your joy. Focus on what you have, not what you wish you had. Focus on what you can do, not what others are doing. By God’s grace, we can escape the comparison trap.
The original context here is comparing oneself to other in order to look good, but the principle remains the same.
“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today” is rule #4 of Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life (affiliate link).